I needed Mila, though I couldn’t really say for what. “You’re still beautiful. It’s all cut up.”
“You’re still beautiful,” Mila said, reaching out to touch my forehead. I don’t recall pain except in my right upper forehead. “I’m with you, remember?” She put her hand on my thigh and squeezed it gently. When I tried to masturbate, I couldn’t even rouse a flicker of self-arousal, forget an orgasm. “I’ve never been here,” I said. I do them, at least when I remember to.” I laughed, and my laugh sounded to my own ears like a bark. That night I had the first of the nightmares. That’s why I went out to buy essential oils and stuff.” Taking out a plastic sheet from the bag, she went into the bedroom and came back. I just want you to sit in the car with me. “I should have got used to them by now, but I never do.” I was still clutching my upper arms and I had to force my hands to unclench from the shirt’s sleeves. I have very sensitive and ticklish feet, and she made sure to put enough pressure so that I didn’t flinch and draw my foot away. “No…” I began, then I had a memory of Amanda bathing me. Mila stripped herself, then fetched a couple of bottled
