I used in my mind to compare the differences. if you don’t hold your tongue! One day she said, “I would not leave a sister of mine here, if she were young, for five times my wages, but I am old enough to keep you in your place.”
Soon after mother was one day out, I at home, housemaid and Tom in the garden; it was a clear, bright day, there was a fire in the garden parlour, the garden window-door was shut, and I bolted it; it was about half-past three o’clock, the cook was dressing, I burning with lust, went to my bedroom, opposite then to her door and listened. I never had her again. “No,” said I. But it is difficult for a woman who has been fucked by a man to refuse him again; I watched my opportunities, my conversation broken as it was, and rarely but for a minute at a time, was one repetition of lustful wants and prayers; I used to pull my prick out, beg her to see and feel it. Mary never helped me as Charlotte used, as cook indeed she could not. She approved of the hot foot-bath, but insisted on my taking a febrifuge.
